I'm heading out of town for a little while. It's spring break and we are making the pilgrimage to the land of Disney with the girls for the first time.
I'm anticipating blog withdrawl
Maybe I'll find a computer somewhere
....okay, breathe deeply now
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
operator....information....give me Jesus on the line
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Jeremiah 33:3
Brad Jersak, author of “Can you hear me? Tuning into a God who speaks” says that Jeremiah 33:3 is God’s phone number. He tells us that we can call on our Shepherd and we, the sheep, can hear his voice. He talks about real conversational prayers with the Lord, rather than the phone messages we are used to leaving on God’s answering machine.
The first time I heard him speak in 2002, I was totally mesmerized. (I’m listening to it right now and it’s still great!) It was the refreshment to my soul that I had been searching for all my life. It seemed too good to be true. “Am I aloud to believe this?” I thought. Until this point in my spiritual life, I had never heard that I could expect the Lord to talk to me on an intimate level. Oh, I had heard it theologically speaking in a “don’t try this at home” kind of way, but this was real and it made sense.
The seminar was two days and it was sooooo juicy! Brad gave us exercises to do and they worked! It was really faith building. For instance, he had us get a partner, someone we didn’t know, and ask the Lord “if that person had a banner over them, what would it say?” Well the woman who prayed for me reported that my banner said “Joy”.
This was a deeply personnel message because the Lord had been speaking to me about joy for a few years. A scripture about joy would pop out, or a person praying for me would sense something to do with joy. This had happened enough that I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. In subsequent years, God has still been speaking joy over me. He has specifically told me that I am “a faithful servant marked by joy”. In my life, this joy was elusive at first. Years went by where I had pockets of joy but it was not in abundant supply as the Lord had promised. However, I can testify that in the past couple of years I have realized much joy as I have walked in greater freedom and I am sure there is more to come. However, I digress……
The next exercise was to ask Jesus what He would say to us if we met Him in heaven. I found this to be a bit of a stretch as I sat, eyes closed, straining my brain to hear something. But then I decided to relax and just go with it. I imagined myself walking into the throne room, and saw Jesus standing in a white robe. This is where my imagination stopped and the vision kept going. Jesus was really tall, almost twice my size. He came over to me and hugged me with a warm embrace. In surprise, I exclaimed, “You know me!” And He replied “Oh, I know you very well”.
This encounter touched me deep in my spirit. It was like I was waiting to hear those words. To know that he had heard all those answering machine messages I had left and he really did know me! He met me in a place in my heart where I had always felt lost in the crowd…..overlooked…..an unmemorable plain jane. As a single tear streamed down my cheek, Brad looked at me from the front and asked if I would share what I got since it was obvious that it had been meaningful. When I shared, he said that Jesus often tells us something that we need to hear now. I think that’s true.
Over the past few years, I have learned to hear God’s voice in a greater measure. It’s not quite as conversational as Brad reports but it’s definitely there. I have learned to recognize how God speaks to me.
I share these stories out of the abundance of my heart. It is my desire to encourage you in your faith not to brag or be all pie in the sky. God doesn’t play favorites. He knows us all intimately and longs to let each of us know what is special about us and who he has made us to be.
Try it………..ask Jesus what He would say to you if you met Him in heaven today. Let me know what happens.
Brad Jersak, author of “Can you hear me? Tuning into a God who speaks” says that Jeremiah 33:3 is God’s phone number. He tells us that we can call on our Shepherd and we, the sheep, can hear his voice. He talks about real conversational prayers with the Lord, rather than the phone messages we are used to leaving on God’s answering machine.
The first time I heard him speak in 2002, I was totally mesmerized. (I’m listening to it right now and it’s still great!) It was the refreshment to my soul that I had been searching for all my life. It seemed too good to be true. “Am I aloud to believe this?” I thought. Until this point in my spiritual life, I had never heard that I could expect the Lord to talk to me on an intimate level. Oh, I had heard it theologically speaking in a “don’t try this at home” kind of way, but this was real and it made sense.
The seminar was two days and it was sooooo juicy! Brad gave us exercises to do and they worked! It was really faith building. For instance, he had us get a partner, someone we didn’t know, and ask the Lord “if that person had a banner over them, what would it say?” Well the woman who prayed for me reported that my banner said “Joy”.
This was a deeply personnel message because the Lord had been speaking to me about joy for a few years. A scripture about joy would pop out, or a person praying for me would sense something to do with joy. This had happened enough that I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. In subsequent years, God has still been speaking joy over me. He has specifically told me that I am “a faithful servant marked by joy”. In my life, this joy was elusive at first. Years went by where I had pockets of joy but it was not in abundant supply as the Lord had promised. However, I can testify that in the past couple of years I have realized much joy as I have walked in greater freedom and I am sure there is more to come. However, I digress……
The next exercise was to ask Jesus what He would say to us if we met Him in heaven. I found this to be a bit of a stretch as I sat, eyes closed, straining my brain to hear something. But then I decided to relax and just go with it. I imagined myself walking into the throne room, and saw Jesus standing in a white robe. This is where my imagination stopped and the vision kept going. Jesus was really tall, almost twice my size. He came over to me and hugged me with a warm embrace. In surprise, I exclaimed, “You know me!” And He replied “Oh, I know you very well”.
This encounter touched me deep in my spirit. It was like I was waiting to hear those words. To know that he had heard all those answering machine messages I had left and he really did know me! He met me in a place in my heart where I had always felt lost in the crowd…..overlooked…..an unmemorable plain jane. As a single tear streamed down my cheek, Brad looked at me from the front and asked if I would share what I got since it was obvious that it had been meaningful. When I shared, he said that Jesus often tells us something that we need to hear now. I think that’s true.
Over the past few years, I have learned to hear God’s voice in a greater measure. It’s not quite as conversational as Brad reports but it’s definitely there. I have learned to recognize how God speaks to me.
I share these stories out of the abundance of my heart. It is my desire to encourage you in your faith not to brag or be all pie in the sky. God doesn’t play favorites. He knows us all intimately and longs to let each of us know what is special about us and who he has made us to be.
Try it………..ask Jesus what He would say to you if you met Him in heaven today. Let me know what happens.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
This is me in grade nine, baby....
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine.
This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine.
I've got a blue-and-red Adidas bag and a humongous binder,
I'm trying my best not to look like a minor niner. - The Barenaked Ladies
Yes - this is me in grade 9. It looks like I was too cool to smile. I think I was just worried about having a dorky smile and I was trying to be cool.....we all were.
My Adidas bag was two tone brown. I had Nike swoosh runners and French Jeans. And the perm of course.
Last night we had a blast at the Bearnaked Ladies concert. It was a small venue with only 1000 seats. My only disappointment was that they didn't play "Grade 9".....it's my favorite.
We purchased the tickets to the sold out show back in December. Some friends managed to get only 8 tickets and before my hubby and I heard about it they were all snapped up. We still wanted to go so we got some tickets a few rows over. At the time, I was deeply disappointed to be left out and wrote about it here.
It seems silly now.....everything worked out. We still had a great time with our friends. We met for dinner, enjoyed the show and hung out after. However, I'm glad I recorded my initial reaction of being in the depths of despair. It helps me to see where I've come from......and where I am now.
What colour was your Adidas bag?
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Beth was here!!
Beth Moore was at the Pacific Coliseum this weekend with her Living Proof tour. This is the second time I have had the privilege of seeing her live. I think this is the first time she officially came to Canada. A few years ago she came to a local church in Surrey for a women's leadership conference partnered by Lifeway. It was a treat and a huge privilege to have her and all those southern ladies building into us.
There were about 4000 in attendance, a small crowd compared to her U.S. appearances. I heard that about 1/3 were from the States. Canadians just don't know what they are missing!
Beth, with her southern drawl, perfectly quaffed appearance and outlandish speaking style, stands out in our reserved Canadian culture. She joked with us about her accent and exclaimed "Elly May and Jethro have come to Canada!" And she extolled the delights of Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar Potato Chips, a Canadian delicacy that she discovered on her first visit here.
We absolutely loved her!
And it was evident that she loved us. She got down on the floor, touching women, looking them in the eye, loving on us. I felt such a presence of unity in the Lord. This is the first time I have been to such a large Christian event and it had the feeling of a tent revival meeting.
The worship by Travis Cottrell and his worship team was awesome. It was a perfect balance of worship and performance. His sensitivity to the crowd and the HS was evident. He often silenced the band allowing the voices of 4000 women to resonate accapella to old favorites like "Amazing Grace" and "Then Sings My Soul".
Beth spoke to us solely from Hebrews 4: 12-16. In the next two days we dissected it and memorized it in Beth- Moore- Index- Card fashion.
12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
There were about 4000 in attendance, a small crowd compared to her U.S. appearances. I heard that about 1/3 were from the States. Canadians just don't know what they are missing!
Beth, with her southern drawl, perfectly quaffed appearance and outlandish speaking style, stands out in our reserved Canadian culture. She joked with us about her accent and exclaimed "Elly May and Jethro have come to Canada!" And she extolled the delights of Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Malt Vinegar Potato Chips, a Canadian delicacy that she discovered on her first visit here.
We absolutely loved her!
And it was evident that she loved us. She got down on the floor, touching women, looking them in the eye, loving on us. I felt such a presence of unity in the Lord. This is the first time I have been to such a large Christian event and it had the feeling of a tent revival meeting.
The worship by Travis Cottrell and his worship team was awesome. It was a perfect balance of worship and performance. His sensitivity to the crowd and the HS was evident. He often silenced the band allowing the voices of 4000 women to resonate accapella to old favorites like "Amazing Grace" and "Then Sings My Soul".
Beth spoke to us solely from Hebrews 4: 12-16. In the next two days we dissected it and memorized it in Beth- Moore- Index- Card fashion.
12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
The focus was on "our time of need" and how Jesus can sympathize with us, providing grace and mercy. Beth taught us that our temptations are related to our needs. When we are tempted to fill our needs with the wrong thing we need mercy to turn away from it and grace to turn to the right thing.
I was interested to find out that in Exodus 34:6, when God announces his name as he shows himself to Moses, he uses the words Gracious and Merciful to describe himself. We throw those words around a lot in spiritual talk and they have become common to me. But hearing that they are the words that God chose to describe himself when he announced his name makes me take note.
Beth went on to explain that mercy is the alleviation of deserved consequences, as described in .Psalm 103:10-11. Whereas grace is an undeserved gift bestowed as described in Acts 4:33. Mercy is about a pardon and grace is about power.
In closing, Beth asked us to write down something that we need to loose (turn away from ) and something we need gain (turn to). I started to mentally list off the attitudes in my heart that I know God has been dislodging - resentment, impatience, discontent, fear of rejection. I knew it had something to do with dieing to self. Then it came to me.
self-preservation ........all those reactions that surface when I need to protect myself
VS.
self-generosity ....... the ability to give freely of myself without my own wants getting in the way.
Father - I come boldly to your throne of grace, asking for your mercy for relying on my own methods of protecting myself. I ask you for the grace to give freely of myself to others, not counting the costs, not withholding in fear.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
In the palm of His hand
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28A few years ago, God spoke to me through a painting. He put my whole life into perspective and securely anchored my soul.
When my second daughter was a little over a year old, and the oldest one four, my husband and I made the decision not to have any more children. We were happy with the size of our family and wanted to move on with our lives. However, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of loss for the chance to have a son as well and hold a baby of my own one more time.
Oddly, this decision led me to think about getting a piano. Since I had two girls I definitely wanted them to play the piano. I found a beautiful 1918 converted player piano that looked lovely in our home. I dug out my old music books and began to tinker with tunes long-forgotten. As my fingers found their familiar place on the keys, it brought me back to my early teenage years, before the solitary disciplines of music were put aside for a social life.
The music opened up a longing and a passion in me that had been sitting dormant. A grieving in my heart emerged for the loss of my own identity because, in the years that followed, fitting in with the crowd became my priority. I learned to put on a new face for each area of my life, and lost my own. I began to wonder how things might be different now had I made other choices then. My heart was wavering with insecurity and the music was bringing it to the surface.
Having the piano in my home reminded me of a print I had seen years earlier. It depicts a young girl playing a striking grand piano. Her eyes are interlocked with her little sister’s, whose hand is perched on the keyboard. I remembered standing in the art store 15 years earlier, the picture tugging at my heartstrings as I admired the soft pink dresses and the black patent shoes. I remembered thinking at the time, “If I ever have girls, I am getting this picture.”
When I popped into an art store in the mall and described the painting, the clerk knew it right away. It was a well-known painting by Greg Olsen, entitled “Dress Rehearsal”. She said it could be ordered in as a framed special and if I didn’t like it I didn’t have to buy it. That seemed good to me since the idea of picking out matting and a frame seemed overwhelming to a perfectionist like me. When it arrived, it was more than I could have imagined, beautifully framed to match my home.
As that picture hung in my living room its significance became apparent. For one thing, it was uncanny how much the two girls in the picture looked like my own. The hair and facial features were the same for each girl. Although the girls in the picture were a little older their age difference matched. In fact, as my youngest has grown up, she is convinced that it is her in the picture and wants to know where the pretty dress is that she was wearing!
Then God spoke to me in my heart. He got my attention with that picture and He told me about my life.
“Your life is in the palm of my hand”.
"I saw your longing in that art store years ago and I have given you the desire of your heart. "
"Everything now is meant to be. "
“Do not regret anything, because your life circumstances have brought you your husband, your children and your identity. Don’t worry about not having any more children, because everything is good as it is.”
As it began to sink in, this message brought me an incredible peace and security. My marriage and relationships improved because of my secure heart. I was somehow different and it showed.
You may wonder how I can be so sure it was God who spoke to me. It’s hard to put into words but it’s like having knowledge in your mind all at one time that you know you didn’t make up yourself.
It’s like having a dream with the story all laid out before you and all you do is observe, not remembering how it came into your mind.
It’s like how you know when a puzzle piece fits.
The Bible says, “My sheep hear my voice.” I just knew that this was the Lord’s voice and not my own. I have always had a faith in God but He became so real then. He was actually involved in my very life and thoughts!
A couple of years later, God gave me a reminder and a confirmation of His message to me. I went forward for prayer at a church conference, and the person who prayed for me said, “God has you in the palm of His hand.” It was good to know I was still on the right track.
Monday, February 4, 2008
I want it all and I want it now.
"Yuppies' creed: 'I want it all and I want it now.'"
—Russell Baker, New York Times, February 6, 1988
I've been pondering what I've learned about the things in my heart from my dream.
contentment and coveting
They really are two sides of a coin. I didn't see it at first, even though it seems obvious. The Lord wants me to be content. The reason that I am not is because I'm coveting. I asked myself what it is that I really want and I began to realize that I want it all!
If you know me in my everyday life you probably wouldn't guess that about me. You would think I am not in want of anything. (or maybe I don't hide it as well as I think) This is because I never articulate these longings.........they are all in my head or my heart......swimming around. They are expecations that I am subconsciously striving toward.
So I thought I would make a list and get them out once and for all. This makes me feel sooooooo painfully vulnerable. But here goes:
—Russell Baker, New York Times, February 6, 1988
I've been pondering what I've learned about the things in my heart from my dream.
contentment and coveting
They really are two sides of a coin. I didn't see it at first, even though it seems obvious. The Lord wants me to be content. The reason that I am not is because I'm coveting. I asked myself what it is that I really want and I began to realize that I want it all!
If you know me in my everyday life you probably wouldn't guess that about me. You would think I am not in want of anything. (or maybe I don't hide it as well as I think) This is because I never articulate these longings.........they are all in my head or my heart......swimming around. They are expecations that I am subconsciously striving toward.
So I thought I would make a list and get them out once and for all. This makes me feel sooooooo painfully vulnerable. But here goes:
- I WANT an impeccably clean and organized home.
- I WANT a bigger home in a more prestigious neighborhood.
- I WANT a better and more physically fit body.
- I WANT to be valued and recognized in all my roles (wife, mother, employee, bible study leader, etc).
- I WANT everyone to like me.
Now on a conscious level I am very aware how blessed I truly am. The Lord has actually given me the desires of my heart! I have a wonderful and handsome husband, two lovely girls, and lots of quality relationships, a really nice home in a great neighborhood, a housecleaner, and a great job in my own home. Life is not without it's tensions but generally, it's pretty good.
However, on a deeper level, I have set some standards and expectations for myself and at any given time I am responding to the fact that I am not meeting those standards.
When others aren't helping me to accomplish my goals I get resentful and critical.
When I am not meeting my standards, I get angry at myself.
I am in a constant state of striving.
I get anxious and hurt when I don't get the recognition or attention that I feel I'm entitled to.
Oh, this is sooooo cleansing. When I lay it out like this it seems so silly. It's okay to have goals - but ones that are doable and I don't have to get harry if it doesn't happen. And it's okay to enjoy the fruits of my labour and the blessings of God without setting my heart upon the things of this world....without wanting more. I desire to live in a state of gratitude not striving!
I can actully see these WANTS piled up on a big barge which I am shoving off to sea. The barge is floating farther and farther away and I'm feeling more and more detached from it........weightless.....peaceful.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.........
Tag I'm It.
So, Rob at The Spyglass, tagged me with this completely ridiculous meme that I am only participating in to be a good sport. However, the exercise has not been without merit as I have gleaned the title for my next blog post from Rob's post on this.
So here go the rules:
Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. (No cheating!)
Find Page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.
I walked down the hall to the book shelves, put my hand on the first book on the midrange shelf which happens to be "The Complete Bartender".
Page 123 sentence 6-7-8 offers us the recipe for Brandy Milk Punch which looks rather ghastly to me. I'm more of a fruity martini girl.
1. Add a few ice cubes to a highball glass.
2. Add brandy, milk and generous pinch of sugar
3. Stir
Here's line 4 just in case you are really into this recipe.....and the ingredients are 2oz. brandy to 5oz. cold milk.
4. Sprinkle with nutmeg or cinnamon
PS. I'm not tagging.
So here go the rules:
Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. (No cheating!)
Find Page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.
I walked down the hall to the book shelves, put my hand on the first book on the midrange shelf which happens to be "The Complete Bartender".
Page 123 sentence 6-7-8 offers us the recipe for Brandy Milk Punch which looks rather ghastly to me. I'm more of a fruity martini girl.
1. Add a few ice cubes to a highball glass.
2. Add brandy, milk and generous pinch of sugar
3. Stir
Here's line 4 just in case you are really into this recipe.....and the ingredients are 2oz. brandy to 5oz. cold milk.
4. Sprinkle with nutmeg or cinnamon
PS. I'm not tagging.
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