My Burning Bush

I'm participating in a synchro blog that robbymac proposed to share our earliest "charismatic" experience. He encourages us to "remind ourselves and tell each other our stories of how we first became acquainted with, and eager for, the felt presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives."

I think this is a fabulous idea. It builds faith and authentic community when we share our stories of God's realness. I encourage you to visit his post and read some of the other stories there.

About 6 years ago, I experienced for the first time, the Holy Spirit supernaturally meeting me person to person. Before this, my faith was based... well.... just on faith. I had never experienced God in any tangible way. I never had my own burning bush experience.

A friend invited me to visit a charismatic church with her. At the end of the service I went forward to receive prayer. I hoped that somehow I would receive something more than what I would expect at my home conservative evangelical church. I was very hungry to experience God in a real way. Having hit a cross road where I was pretty sure that God was asking me to move into women's ministry leadership in my own church, I didn't want to go any further unless I knew for sure that God was really involved and would equip me.

I was hoping for some real fire from heaven. Eager for this baptism of the HS that I had heard about, I wanted to know that God was real.

The woman who approach me to pray with me told me she had a word for me. There was a brokenness in me that God wants to heal. He wants me to come to him whole. But he wants my permission first.

I was surprised. Me broken? But I've had a perfect life! Nothing bad has happened to me and I've succeeded in most things I've set out to do. I have a nice husband and children. A home. A good career. What do I have to be broken about?

I told her yes I do want God to heal me. I want whatever he has for me. She prayed for me but nothing much seemed to happen. She told me that God has already equipped me and that he will give me grace for each moment as I sit at the feet of Jesus.

No fire. No nothing.

I was peeved after that! And dumbfounded! God knows how hard I had searched for him. How long I have waited. How patient I have been. I felt that he had denied me. As I wrote in my journal " I'm jealous of those who God meets so readily. I'm tired of waiting in line. I want to be picked!"

The next day, everything changed. I wrote about it in my journal and I will share it here:

A Day of Mourning - June 4/2002

It's good that my husband is out of town this week. It's given me some time to hash this out with God. We are having a counseling session.

God has been bringing to mind all the crappy things that ever happened to me. It's nothing really out of the ordinary. "Sh#t happens" so they say. But I guess my spirit was wounded and the wounds festered. It does have a common theme though. I have been wounded by my friendships. I have sought intimacy through friendships and have been let down, misled, sometimes abused. I see how it is affecting my current friendships too.

At first it was painful as these things came to mind. It seemed strange to let them swirl around in my head and feel them in my gut. I didn't have a choice, the memories just kept coming. And as every school yard mind game, cutting remark or betrayal came to mind, the Lord put his arm around me and said "I was there". As I recall the loneliness of keeping my hurt bottled up, God says, "I was there". The voice inside me is so clear and steady.

These events occurred over 15-25 years ago but to the Lord and I it was like yesterday. In fact it feels rather good to have this pity party.....to have this time of grieving that God seems to be encouraging.

I feel like I did when I was in the hospital for surgery. The surgery is over and there is pain. But there are people taking care of me, giving me drugs and there is a heated blanket wrapped around me.

It's exhausting. I am tired and achy. I'm sleeping a lot. It's so weird. I wonder why God chose this way to heal me. Couldn't he just zap me with joy? When I asked my friend this question she said "God can't heal the pain you can't feel." I think there is something in that. I had pretty much stuffed all of this over the years.

So this is how I became acquainted with a God who is very real and knows me in my inner most being. A God who uses truth to heal. A God who gets our permission before doing surgery.

In conclusion, I can only say that I was a very different person after that. I became more sure of God and less sure of me. I softened and became more real. I came to understand the meaning of "when we are weak, he is strong". And I have come to understand what it means to be given grace for the moment. Each day is a step of faith.

So..... I'm a 40 year old House Wife/Mom/Accountant. Who would have thunk that trapped inside was a Guitar Totin' Rock Star just waiting to get out????

A couple of weeks ago my 11 year old daughter spent her birthday money on Guitar Hero III. I picked this guitar up and started to strum along to some of the old favorites and before you know it I'm a MOM THAT ROCKS!!

I can't wait until my next chance to pick up that guitar. I wake up with Pearl Jam running through my head!!! I am determined to beat Lou!!!!

And I was reigning champion on Barracuda - the best rock and roll song of all time - until............my 11 year old daughter took my spot on the best score.

I have to concede - she is way better than me. She has never even heard these songs before. But her eye hand coordination is amazing. It makes me wonder. Even though I am older and wiser and I know way more than her, she can think faster than me. Is that cause my brain is 40 years old and and hers is 11? Is my brain deteriorating or is it that I have way too much in it that it's getting bogged down like when the computer gets over loaded with programs? I would like to think the latter. I think I'm going to stop thinking so much.

Happy Wife Happy Life!

My husband picked up that catchy little phrase some time ago. It stuck with him and he pulls it out every once in a while. In fact, it has become somewhat of a tenet in our marriage.

For instance - we might be shopping for a piece of furniture and come to a standstill with differing opinions about what each party feels would be suitable in price, style and functionality. In this case, hubby lays his card on the table. "Okay honey, you decide, after all happy wife happy life." This allows him to save face and let me know that he's doing this to make me happy which of course will make things go well for him too. It's all about the bigger picture.

It's true that the woman sets the tone in the home. There's another catchy phrase that rings true - "when mom ain't happy, ain't no one happy".

This might not be terribly spiritual but there is a grain of truth to it. In fact I think it's in the bible. It goes something like this. "Husbands obey your wives so it will go well with you". Oh wait - I think it's "Children obey your parents" so forget that.

But the bible does ask husbands to love their wives and then tells women to respect their husbands. Eph 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I have always felt that this word of wisdom is the key to a happy marriage. That somehow, it taps into how men and women are created and our basic needs. It's a delicate balance though - easier said than done. I think because woman can withhold respect when they don't feel loved and men can withhold love when they don't feel respected. And to make things more complicated, a husband might be giving what he thinks is love but the wife doesn't receive it as love, and visa versa.

Oh well, after almost 15 years of marriage, when my husband gives in to me using the Happy Wife Happy Life card, I feel loved.

Try This at Home!!!

Rob at The Spyglass turned me onto word clouds at Wordle. It was really easy to do. I just copied and pasted my post about church family and POOF I got this artistic creation. I entitled it "Love One Another".

I'm disapointed that I could only get a small version to display. To see a larger version click here It takes a couple of seconds to come up.

I Did It! I Did It!!!!

I finally finished my One Year Bible!

Okay so I was on the 18 month plan but I'm still soooooo proud of myself. I have actually read the whole bible!

Well..... I might have skipped over a few begets and sped read through the endless descriptions of how many cubits of this and that were incorporated into the building of the temple. But all in all, I covered the most of it and absorbed much of it.

Although, I had read and studied much of the bible already over the years, there were lots of places that I had never been before. Like Malachi. I really liked Malachi. And Ezra. And then there's Jude, and all the Johns.

Also, it's much more meaningful when it's read in chronological order. I understand the history of the Israelites so much better now. With 'The One Year Bible', you are given readings in order each day from each of the OT, the NT, Psalms and Proverbs. I was amazed at how often, the reading in the NT or Psalms would be talking about something in the reading of the OT.

I totally recommend it to anyone. If you start now you can take the 18 month plan as well and be done by December 2009. Then when you say you've finished 'The One Year Bible' people will think you actually did it in a year. It will just be our little secret.

10 Random Things That Make Me Happy

I've been tagged by Rob to divulge the above to anyone interested. I find this fun and of course love learning random things about other people as well. So here goes....

1. My Timmys (that would be Tim Hortons coffee for the non-Canadians)
2. My children's laughter
3. My husband's sense of humor
4. An afternoon spent reading a good book
5. Presents!! (receiving and giving)
6. Compliments (ditto)
7. Blogging (with Timmys)
8. Writing a great post.
9. Snuggling
10. Pink cherry trees in bloom

I'm so glad I'm a part ..........

Come on, sing it with me.....you know the words.

.....................of the family of God

I spent last weekend at the first family camp my church has put on since I was a kid. With my girls in tow, I went despite scheduling conflicts and time pressures because I really felt the HS nudge. He pressed into me that being there would make a difference.

It's about rebuilding church family
It's a chance to be part of the seed of new growth

God knows I love to be part of something good....like right in the middle. He has been telling me for 10 years now, if I want to be part of something good then stick with this church.

But I've got to tell you, the past 10 years has not looked good! We have been without a pastor for 3 of those years. Attendance is waning. People are listless. I was involved in women's ministry for a time but that has disbanded. And throughout this time I have been questioning whether or not I am on the same page as my church or even in the same book.

Did I hear you right Lord? Are you sure it's not time to move on?

I have inquired prophetically of the Lord twice with these questions. Both times he responded through the group with whom I was praying with a resounding YES!!!!

you are a warm ember
a season of perseverance.
the Kingdom of God was near.

Finally - this February, a pastor was found and he joined us this month. Everyone loves him, including me. He seems a perfect fit for our unified yet vastly diverse congregation.

So back to Family Camp......

Well first off, the Lord blessed us with divinely warm weather on this often rainy Victoria Day weekend. The atmosphere was welcoming and tenderhearted. We really needed this. It felt like a big sigh after a long struggle. As well, the Lord answered the desire of my heart that my children would get with some friends. It has been a struggle to get them involved and connected.

And lastly....the guest speaker chose to talk about Church Family. He focused on a word that is used much in the New Testament. Alellon - one another. I couldn't imagine a more appropriate message at this time.

I thought I would do a little study of my own and look up many of the ways that this word is used in the NT.

Bear with one another
Love one another
be at peace with one another
wash one another's feet.
Be devoted to one another
give preference to one another
Be of the same mind toward one another;
serve one another.
Bear one another's burdens
showing tolerance for one another
we are members of one another.
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted
be subject to one another
regard one another as more important than yourselves
bearing with one another
encourage one another and build up one another
seek after that which is good for one another
stimulate one another to love and good deeds,
confess your sins to one another
clothe yourselves with humility toward one another

It occurs to me the high calling we have to make it work with one another. The Lord made us for spiritual community. It's not always easy and we have to be purposeful about it. We have to clothe ourselves with it.