It's a new year and I'm giving my blog a fresh start having abandoned it for almost a year. Shamefully, I can pick up where I left off because I'm not much further ahead. Some areas, thankfully I've grown. Others, not but an inch.
I've spent the past year with Freedom Session, having come away with a new and practicing understanding of forgiving others and making amends. Both huge leaps for me.
Since September, I've been facilitating a group of 10 ladies through Freedom Session. A daunting but awesomely rewarding task. It might not be for everyone, but to walk through pain with others in authentic and open community is where I feel alive. It's where I experience God.
But then there's the mere inch of growth part.
"Someones got to be the hero"..........those were the words spoken to me about my marriage over a year ago by my three friends, my confidantes and prayer partners.
I get that. Is it not the essential message of the bible? To lay down ones life for another. That Jesus lay down his life for us.
I get it in my head, but in practice I am this donkey digging in it's heels, unyielding, frustrating any hope of going anywhere.
How can two people who are postured in a stance of self protection from years of reciprocal hurts, find the way to vulnerability and intimacy?
My heart is telling me the way is through yielding. Swallowing my pride, my entitlement and dismantling my walls of protection. Resisting my urge to dig my heels in. Then perhaps there's a chance for abundance in my marriage.
If any of my readers are still out there.......please pray for me....that I will find the courage and humility to rise to the occasion.