Friday, July 23, 2010

Taking Inventory

For the past 10 or so years, my focus has been on the journey within. Figuring myself out, figuring God out, figuring me and God out......and all that.

When I look around my internal room, I can say I'm content with the results of my rearranging and tidying up. It feels okay to just sit for a while. My faith has been analyzed, tested, turned up side down and it's fitting comfortably.

So here we are, God and me, sitting quite contently in my inner room.

However, it's become increasingly apparent how much my marriage is in need of attention. Perhaps I've been self focused for just a little too long.

In the past couple of years, my husband and I have agreed that we want more. We know it could be better. But then we go back to regular life, not quite knowing how to start, lacking courage to take a step.

Things really blew up in January when unexpectedly, I had to spend 6 weeks on crutches. The stress of having to rely on my husband and children brought out in me so many resentments, frustrations and hurts. Hurts relating to not feeling cherished.

That time of adversity was a real wake up call for the both of us. Things are still up and down, but we're taking it seriously and we've both agreed we don't want walk away.

The fists are down.
We're talking.
Unfortunately, neither side has much to say.

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