those who know me might have heard me say from time to time "i used to be a nice person before i got married and had kids!" b.k. (before kids) my life was pretty controlled and it was easy to keep myself to myself. everything changed after these little people came into my home and i had so many new roles in my life. i sometimes don't recognize myself. i often ask myself "who is this anxious, impatient,angry , resentful, insecure women?"
god has taught me humility through this. when under pressure, my real self emerged and i didn't like her. i had to be honest with myself and god. i had boxed myself in and controlled my responses for so long that i didn't even have a real self anymore. i had to learn to be me again.
you know the saying......"just be yourself". it took me until my mid 30's to be myself. i truly value authenticity but i know how easy it is for me to put on a mask out of my own pride and fear of rejection.
i find that i like me now. i am more like the person that i was when i was 10 years old.....at least that's what it feels like in my mind. If only i could still do a back hand spring.