I'm Doing It!

After my last post, where I told my self to just stop thinking about The Love Dare and "just do it", I visited the 40 Day Love Dare blogspot where Jennifer and Eric were just finishing their 40 days. Near the end of her post, Jennifer writes:

"If you haven't started the Love Dare, just do it! It will change your marriage and just maybe your life."

Can you believe that? Is that's not a bit fat Holy Spirit nudge or what? It certainly made me think for a minute that God is totally behind this and the time is right.

I got my Friday morning group of ladies on board and we're all doing this together. We watched the movie "Fire Proof" together and then picked a date to start.

We're on day 14 and the biggest change has been in me. Each day gives me something new to think about, a new approach to relating to my husband, and of course an action to take. Sometimes it's hard to carry out a particular task on that day so I go back and check it off when I've done it a few days later. Feels like a scavenger hunt.

I realize that I have been quite hard hearted and self protective in my marriage. I find it hard to be vulnerable and give of myself and I'm not quite sure why. But, I'm taking this one day at a time and I'm trusting that the Lord is in this with us.

Taking Inventory

For the past 10 or so years, my focus has been on the journey within. Figuring myself out, figuring God out, figuring me and God out......and all that.

When I look around my internal room, I can say I'm content with the results of my rearranging and tidying up. It feels okay to just sit for a while. My faith has been analyzed, tested, turned up side down and it's fitting comfortably.

So here we are, God and me, sitting quite contently in my inner room.

However, it's become increasingly apparent how much my marriage is in need of attention. Perhaps I've been self focused for just a little too long.

In the past couple of years, my husband and I have agreed that we want more. We know it could be better. But then we go back to regular life, not quite knowing how to start, lacking courage to take a step.

Things really blew up in January when unexpectedly, I had to spend 6 weeks on crutches. The stress of having to rely on my husband and children brought out in me so many resentments, frustrations and hurts. Hurts relating to not feeling cherished.

That time of adversity was a real wake up call for the both of us. Things are still up and down, but we're taking it seriously and we've both agreed we don't want walk away.

The fists are down.
We're talking.
Unfortunately, neither side has much to say.

Coming Up For Air

Yes I've been AWOL for quite a while. So what's up? Well life just took over I guess and then it was hard to get that blogging momentum stirred up again. Stuff has been percolating in me.....just nothing concrete.

But I miss blogging! I miss all you guys. Still been around the sphere......I'm sure you've seen me here and there.

So I thought I'd try the babbling thing. Be off the cuff. I'm not much of a babbler.....I like to have it all analyzed, double checked, packaged and pristine before I press the publish button you know. So this is a new thing for me.

Wow - I kind of like this....it just flows.....so much less pressure......

Quick update for now:

Ended 2009 on a lovely Sayulita vacation with the extended family. An absolutely wonderful place if you like the hodgy podgy kind of Mexico and can handle the roosters crowing in the wee hours of the morning along with the random dogs, ducks and children outside your door. There are many lovely and luxurious places to stay scattered through the town, great food of all kinds and everything is walking distance.

Started 2010 with some minor knee cartilage surgery that left me on crutches for SIX WHOLE WEEKS!!! If you are a mom with a job and a home to run you can totally understand how this amounted to a death sentence for me. It certainly brought out the worst in me and I learned that I DO NOT handle adversity all that well.

In February, while still on crutches, our city hosted the Olympics. I was bummed because it was hard to participate but I still got out to a hockey game. The torch came right by our street. The whole city and neighbouring towns were in party mode and the atmosphere euphoric. A truly great experience!

So with summer vacation upon me, kids home from school, free of schedules and commitments, I can sit back and take a breather. As I take inventory of my inner space, something has shifted. Although I can point to a few changes in focus here and there, I just can't put my finger on it. Thus the babbling. I figure if I just write it might come out with some kind of structure rather than left all fragmented and formless inside.

Enough for now.

I'll be back.

As Promised

The DressAfter

Before

It's a little late, but as promised I'm posting the results of my journey with U Weightloss. I reached my goal to lose 25 lbs. in 12 weeks, which was just in time for the dreaded bridesmaid dress to arrive. The dress, which was snug when I ordered it, had to be drastically taken in. I'm now back to the weight I was when I got married 15 years ago. I'm 5'7" and weigh a comfortable 140 lbs.

I'm not going to take this for granted. It was a few stressful years with work and young children that contributed to my weight gain. I've learned that eating healthy, regular exercise and taking care of myself benefits everyone. It's been a long time that I've felt so good physically and mentally.

I was really disappointed with myself before I started this and I didn't know how I could reach my goal. I'm glad I had the help of UWeightloss because I don't think I could have done it in the time period I needed on my own. However, now I have changed my lifestyle enough that I know I can keep with it. The program involved regular exercise and a hormonally balanced diet that is based on the diet of Dr. Natasha Turner. It involves eating meals that are balanced between 40% protein 30% carbs and 30% good fat and then switching after a month or so to 40% carbs, 30% protein and 30% good fat. I found that my body really responded to this way of eating. I feel very comfortable throughout the day because it keeps the blood sugar even. I lost 5 inches around my middle which is where I had packed on the pounds.

This journey has shown me that I can reach a goal. If I set my mind to something, make a plan and follow it, the results will happen. I think in life, we get lost in the muddle and although we have dreams, we don't make the conscious and practical effort to realize them. Sometimes, we don't even really know what we want. I have found that I am very goal oriented. Once I get started, and invest time and money in something, I keep going. I guess that's the accountant in me.

Life Happens

Oh my Gosh!!! I've been so neglectful of my blog.

Life has been busy........sick kids........sick husband.........15 year anniversary spent with hubby on the couch coughing up green stuff. Four family birthdays three days in a row. Couldn't have planed that one if we tried! A weekend trip to Whistler Mountain.

But I'm healthy! Somehow, I missed the sick boat. I think it's cause I wash my hands all the time and never take a sip of anyone else's drink.

Recently I spent an insane amount of money to join a new weight loss clinic that opened up near my house. I'm usually not one to go for something like that and it took a bit a convincing husband to agree but I knew I needed the support they could give me.

My motivations being:

1. 15 year anniversary this year
2. 25 high school reunion in August
3. Bridesmaid in June - do not want to be a 42 year old fat bridesmaid! Have you seen the dresses these day??? They are not the puffy taffeta numbers of my day. They are all strapless and slinky. I've never worn something like that in my life!

It's not rocket science. Eat less. Exercise.

Seems easy but it's not. I've tried to lose the 25lbs. that have crept up on me in my early 40's and it's just not budging.

This is week 3 and I've lost 8 pounds and 12 inches. I'm so happy and inspired. I am also, enjoying the support with meal making, exercise and one on coaching sessions. I guess I'm a go for the gold star kind of girl so if no one is checking up on me I cop ou. I've realize how disappointed in myself I was getting. It's very detoxifying to talk about it and to be doing something productive about it.

And I'm not caring about anyone but me right now. My family's getting crappy meals but I'm loving mine. It's sort of like the Zone diet where each meal is balanced so you don't have swings in blood sugar and cravings. I'm taking off to the gym regularly. I have so much more energy and NO MORE HEADACHES.

Husband is supportive which is great.

I am guaranteed to lose my 25lbs by MAY 15. When that day comes, I will post before and after pictures. I can hardly wait!