Touched By The Fathers Love!; In the Palm of His Hand

I'm participating in Daveda's invitation to join her in sharing our stories of being touched by God's love. Daveda says "knowing the love and favor of our Father, is most definitely worthy of praise and a thankful heart. I hope you will join us." I agree. I love to hear stories of God's presence in the lives of others. It builds my faith.

I have posted this story before, over a year ago and it's my most popular post. It seems a lot of people google search about being in the palm of God's hand and find their way to my story. This story is what sealed the deal for me that God is truly a personal God and knows me intimately.


And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28


A few years ago, God spoke to me through a painting. He put my whole life into perspective and securely anchored my soul.

When my second daughter was a little over a year old, and the oldest one four, my husband and I made the decision not to have any more children. We were happy with the size of our family and wanted to move on with our lives. However, I couldn't help but feel a sense of loss for the chance to have a son as well and hold a baby of my own one more time.

Oddly, this decision led me to think about getting a piano. Since I had two girls I definitely wanted them to play the piano. I found a beautiful 1918 converted player piano that looked lovely in our home. I dug out my old music books and began to tinker with tunes long-forgotten. As my fingers found their familiar place on the keys, it brought me back to my early teenage years, before the solitary disciplines of music were put aside for a social life.

The music opened up a longing and a passion in me that had been sitting dormant. A grieving in my heart emerged for the loss of my own identity because, in the years that followed, fitting in with the crowd became my priority. I learned to put on a new face for each area of my life, and lost my own. I began to wonder how things might be different now had I made other choices then. My heart was wavering with insecurity and the music was bringing it to the surface.

Having the piano in my home reminded me of a print I had seen years earlier. It depicts a young girl playing a striking grand piano. Her eyes are interlocked with her little sister’s, whose hand is perched on the keyboard. I remembered standing in the art store 15 years earlier, the picture tugging at my heartstrings as I admired the soft pink dresses and the black patent shoes. I remembered thinking at the time, “If I ever have girls, I am getting this picture.”

When I popped into an art store in the mall and described the painting, the clerk knew it right away. It was a well-known painting by Greg Olsen, entitled “Dress Rehearsal”. She said it could be ordered in as a framed special and if I didn’t like it I didn’t have to buy it. That seemed good to me since the idea of picking out matting and a frame seemed overwhelming to a perfectionist like me. When it arrived, it was more than I could have imagined, beautifully framed to match my home.

As that picture hung in my living room its significance became apparent. For one thing, it was uncanny how much the two girls in the picture looked like my own. The hair and facial features were the same for each girl. Although the girls in the picture were a little older their age difference matched. In fact, as my youngest has grown up, she is convinced that it is her in the picture and wants to know where the pretty dress is that she was wearing!

Then God spoke to me in my heart. He got my attention with that picture and He told me about my life.

“Your life is in the palm of my hand”.

"I saw your longing in that art store years ago and I have given you the desire of your heart. "

"Everything now is meant to be. "

“Do not regret anything, because your life circumstances have brought you your husband, your children and your identity. Don’t worry about not having any more children, because everything is good as it is.”

As it began to sink in, this message brought me an incredible peace and security. My marriage and relationships improved because of my secure heart. I was somehow different and it showed.

You may wonder how I can be so sure it was God who spoke to me. It’s hard to put into words but it’s like having knowledge in your mind all at one time that you know you didn’t make up yourself.

It’s like having a dream with the story all laid out before you and all you do is observe, not remembering how it came into your mind.

It’s like how you know when a puzzle piece fits.

The Bible says, “My sheep hear my voice.” I just knew that this was the Lord’s voice and not my own. I have always had a faith in God but He became so real then. He was actually involved in my very life and thoughts!

A couple of years later, God gave me a reminder and a confirmation of His message to me. I went forward for prayer at a church conference, and the person who prayed for me said, “God has you in the palm of His hand.” It was good to know I was still on the right track.

Ooglie Booglie

The other day, I posted the link to the YouTube video that made me laugh so hard. I even said to myself " I just need to laugh like that more."

Yesterday, I met with my morning group of ladies after the Christmas break. We call ourselves the Ooglie Booglie Girls. We picked up the name from one husband who teased his wife that what we do (hear from the Lord) is ooglie booglie!

As we start fresh in a new year, we asked the Lord what he wanted to give each one of us as we work through our book together in the next few months. He said he was going to give me joy and laughter.

It's like he's prepared my heart for it with that video. He gave me a taste of what I've been missing and created a desire for more. Then he told me he had that very gift in store for me!

I feel like I am starting out 2009 on a new plateau. The past 10 years have been a time of introspection and personal growth. A time of figuring out who I am and who God is. A time of finding my grove.

Although there have been times of joy and laughter, my spirit has been heavy and it shows in my countenance. My children sometimes call me on it. "Mom, are you mad?" or "Mom, you're in La La land." I've been a lot more serious than I need to be and not always present for the moment.

But something has changed in me. I feel that I can emerge, a little more sure of myself, a little more sure of God and a lot more light hearted.

I say Amen! to that. I'm ready for a little more laughter. That kind of belly laugh that's under girded by joy and gratitude. A certain lightness of being that's in touch with the things that really matter.

Breakthrough

Does anyone else struggle with RESENTMENT? I can honestly say it's the single most pervasive negative emotion that camps out in my head! Or maybe its just the loudest one. At any rate, it's been my companion for a long time and the Lord has called me on it several times.

Mostly it has to do with housework and is directed at my family with my husband bearing the brunt of it. I honestly don't know if I would have signed up had I known that being a wife and mother meant that my purpose in life was to be picking up after other people who recklessly take advantage of me, turning me into a ranting, nagging lunatic. I'm being dramatic here and I wouldn't give up my family for the world but this is how I feel at times.

Resentment creeps into other relationships as well. It takes the form of withholding, waiting for others to give me what I think I deserve before I give back.

I have owned it - confessed it - repented of it ......several times. When I harbour resentment, I feel guilty and then I resent myself. It's a vicious cycle!

This summer, I had enough. Why Oh Lord do I struggle with this so much??!!!! I realized that I needed to get to the root of my resentment. It wasn't enough to identify it as sin and be grieved about it, and I have to admit that when it came down to it, I wasn't really willing to give it up. In fact, I felt entitled to this reaction to perceived wrongs against me. Entitled to entertain this insidious relative of unforgiveness. Entitled to withhold until the other party gives something too.

So I sat down with pen and paper, and had a little conversation with God. I find that the answers take form more easily when I write down what I feel God is saying to me.

Why am I resentful? Expectations of others.

What are my expectations of others? Validation

Why do I need to be validated? Loneliness and Isolation (with a picture of me in a deep well by myself)

Why do I feel lonely and isolated?You don't trust people until they prove themselves to you. You don't believe you are valid until someone proves it to you. It prevents you from having a servant's heart.

How do I get a servant's heart? I have chosen you!!! Your name is in the book of life. You have been validated by me!!! For this reason you can die to your expectations of others and have a servants heart towards them.

Yes!! Breakthrough!!!! As these words penetrated my heart - I understood how my resentment is attached to my own need for validation. I keep people on the hook if I don't feel appreciated. I keep them at arms length if I feel rejected. The parable of the unforgiving debtor came to my mind and I saw myself there.

Lord, help me to have a restful spirit that finds its validity in you. Help me to love others lavishly from the abundance of my heart.

Although, the grip of resentment has weakened, I still struggle with it almost daily. I wonder if I will ever be able to die to myself. I long to have the heart of the unprofitable servant, the one who does his daily tasks cheerfully without expecting anything back.

As we sang this song today in church, the words gripped me. With tears streaming down my checks, I knew that this was my answer.

Amazing love how can it be
that you my King should die for me
Amazing love I know it's true
It's my joy to honour you
in all I do.

My Burning Bush

I'm participating in a synchro blog that robbymac proposed to share our earliest "charismatic" experience. He encourages us to "remind ourselves and tell each other our stories of how we first became acquainted with, and eager for, the felt presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives."

I think this is a fabulous idea. It builds faith and authentic community when we share our stories of God's realness. I encourage you to visit his post and read some of the other stories there.

About 6 years ago, I experienced for the first time, the Holy Spirit supernaturally meeting me person to person. Before this, my faith was based... well.... just on faith. I had never experienced God in any tangible way. I never had my own burning bush experience.

A friend invited me to visit a charismatic church with her. At the end of the service I went forward to receive prayer. I hoped that somehow I would receive something more than what I would expect at my home conservative evangelical church. I was very hungry to experience God in a real way. Having hit a cross road where I was pretty sure that God was asking me to move into women's ministry leadership in my own church, I didn't want to go any further unless I knew for sure that God was really involved and would equip me.

I was hoping for some real fire from heaven. Eager for this baptism of the HS that I had heard about, I wanted to know that God was real.

The woman who approach me to pray with me told me she had a word for me. There was a brokenness in me that God wants to heal. He wants me to come to him whole. But he wants my permission first.

I was surprised. Me broken? But I've had a perfect life! Nothing bad has happened to me and I've succeeded in most things I've set out to do. I have a nice husband and children. A home. A good career. What do I have to be broken about?

I told her yes I do want God to heal me. I want whatever he has for me. She prayed for me but nothing much seemed to happen. She told me that God has already equipped me and that he will give me grace for each moment as I sit at the feet of Jesus.

No fire. No nothing.

I was peeved after that! And dumbfounded! God knows how hard I had searched for him. How long I have waited. How patient I have been. I felt that he had denied me. As I wrote in my journal " I'm jealous of those who God meets so readily. I'm tired of waiting in line. I want to be picked!"

The next day, everything changed. I wrote about it in my journal and I will share it here:

A Day of Mourning - June 4/2002

It's good that my husband is out of town this week. It's given me some time to hash this out with God. We are having a counseling session.

God has been bringing to mind all the crappy things that ever happened to me. It's nothing really out of the ordinary. "Sh#t happens" so they say. But I guess my spirit was wounded and the wounds festered. It does have a common theme though. I have been wounded by my friendships. I have sought intimacy through friendships and have been let down, misled, sometimes abused. I see how it is affecting my current friendships too.

At first it was painful as these things came to mind. It seemed strange to let them swirl around in my head and feel them in my gut. I didn't have a choice, the memories just kept coming. And as every school yard mind game, cutting remark or betrayal came to mind, the Lord put his arm around me and said "I was there". As I recall the loneliness of keeping my hurt bottled up, God says, "I was there". The voice inside me is so clear and steady.

These events occurred over 15-25 years ago but to the Lord and I it was like yesterday. In fact it feels rather good to have this pity party.....to have this time of grieving that God seems to be encouraging.

I feel like I did when I was in the hospital for surgery. The surgery is over and there is pain. But there are people taking care of me, giving me drugs and there is a heated blanket wrapped around me.

It's exhausting. I am tired and achy. I'm sleeping a lot. It's so weird. I wonder why God chose this way to heal me. Couldn't he just zap me with joy? When I asked my friend this question she said "God can't heal the pain you can't feel." I think there is something in that. I had pretty much stuffed all of this over the years.

So this is how I became acquainted with a God who is very real and knows me in my inner most being. A God who uses truth to heal. A God who gets our permission before doing surgery.

In conclusion, I can only say that I was a very different person after that. I became more sure of God and less sure of me. I softened and became more real. I came to understand the meaning of "when we are weak, he is strong". And I have come to understand what it means to be given grace for the moment. Each day is a step of faith.

operator....information....give me Jesus on the line

'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' Jeremiah 33:3

Brad Jersak, author of “Can you hear me? Tuning into a God who speaks” says that Jeremiah 33:3 is God’s phone number. He tells us that we can call on our Shepherd and we, the sheep, can hear his voice. He talks about real conversational prayers with the Lord, rather than the phone messages we are used to leaving on God’s answering machine.

The first time I heard him speak in 2002, I was totally mesmerized. (I’m listening to it right now and it’s still great!) It was the refreshment to my soul that I had been searching for all my life. It seemed too good to be true. “Am I aloud to believe this?” I thought. Until this point in my spiritual life, I had never heard that I could expect the Lord to talk to me on an intimate level. Oh, I had heard it theologically speaking in a “don’t try this at home” kind of way, but this was real and it made sense.

The seminar was two days and it was sooooo juicy! Brad gave us exercises to do and they worked! It was really faith building. For instance, he had us get a partner, someone we didn’t know, and ask the Lord “if that person had a banner over them, what would it say?” Well the woman who prayed for me reported that my banner said “Joy”.

This was a deeply personnel message because the Lord had been speaking to me about joy for a few years. A scripture about joy would pop out, or a person praying for me would sense something to do with joy. This had happened enough that I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. In subsequent years, God has still been speaking joy over me. He has specifically told me that I am “a faithful servant marked by joy”. In my life, this joy was elusive at first. Years went by where I had pockets of joy but it was not in abundant supply as the Lord had promised. However, I can testify that in the past couple of years I have realized much joy as I have walked in greater freedom and I am sure there is more to come. However, I digress……

The next exercise was to ask Jesus what He would say to us if we met Him in heaven. I found this to be a bit of a stretch as I sat, eyes closed, straining my brain to hear something. But then I decided to relax and just go with it. I imagined myself walking into the throne room, and saw Jesus standing in a white robe. This is where my imagination stopped and the vision kept going. Jesus was really tall, almost twice my size. He came over to me and hugged me with a warm embrace. In surprise, I exclaimed, “You know me!” And He replied “Oh, I know you very well”.

This encounter touched me deep in my spirit. It was like I was waiting to hear those words. To know that he had heard all those answering machine messages I had left and he really did know me! He met me in a place in my heart where I had always felt lost in the crowd…..overlooked…..an unmemorable plain jane. As a single tear streamed down my cheek, Brad looked at me from the front and asked if I would share what I got since it was obvious that it had been meaningful. When I shared, he said that Jesus often tells us something that we need to hear now. I think that’s true.

Over the past few years, I have learned to hear God’s voice in a greater measure. It’s not quite as conversational as Brad reports but it’s definitely there. I have learned to recognize how God speaks to me.

I share these stories out of the abundance of my heart. It is my desire to encourage you in your faith not to brag or be all pie in the sky. God doesn’t play favorites. He knows us all intimately and longs to let each of us know what is special about us and who he has made us to be.

Try it………..ask Jesus what He would say to you if you met Him in heaven today. Let me know what happens.

In the palm of His hand

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28


A few years ago, God spoke to me through a painting. He put my whole life into perspective and securely anchored my soul.

When my second daughter was a little over a year old, and the oldest one four, my husband and I made the decision not to have any more children. We were happy with the size of our family and wanted to move on with our lives. However, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of loss for the chance to have a son as well and hold a baby of my own one more time.

Oddly, this decision led me to think about getting a piano. Since I had two girls I definitely wanted them to play the piano. I found a beautiful 1918 converted player piano that looked lovely in our home. I dug out my old music books and began to tinker with tunes long-forgotten. As my fingers found their familiar place on the keys, it brought me back to my early teenage years, before the solitary disciplines of music were put aside for a social life.

The music opened up a longing and a passion in me that had been sitting dormant. A grieving in my heart emerged for the loss of my own identity because, in the years that followed, fitting in with the crowd became my priority. I learned to put on a new face for each area of my life, and lost my own. I began to wonder how things might be different now had I made other choices then. My heart was wavering with insecurity and the music was bringing it to the surface.

Having the piano in my home reminded me of a print I had seen years earlier. It depicts a young girl playing a striking grand piano. Her eyes are interlocked with her little sister’s, whose hand is perched on the keyboard. I remembered standing in the art store 15 years earlier, the picture tugging at my heartstrings as I admired the soft pink dresses and the black patent shoes. I remembered thinking at the time, “If I ever have girls, I am getting this picture.”

When I popped into an art store in the mall and described the painting, the clerk knew it right away. It was a well-known painting by Greg Olsen, entitled “Dress Rehearsal”. She said it could be ordered in as a framed special and if I didn’t like it I didn’t have to buy it. That seemed good to me since the idea of picking out matting and a frame seemed overwhelming to a perfectionist like me. When it arrived, it was more than I could have imagined, beautifully framed to match my home.

As that picture hung in my living room its significance became apparent. For one thing, it was uncanny how much the two girls in the picture looked like my own. The hair and facial features were the same for each girl. Although the girls in the picture were a little older their age difference matched. In fact, as my youngest has grown up, she is convinced that it is her in the picture and wants to know where the pretty dress is that she was wearing!

Then God spoke to me in my heart. He got my attention with that picture and He told me about my life.

“Your life is in the palm of my hand”.

"I saw your longing in that art store years ago and I have given you the desire of your heart. "

"Everything now is meant to be. "

“Do not regret anything, because your life circumstances have brought you your husband, your children and your identity. Don’t worry about not having any more children, because everything is good as it is.”

As it began to sink in, this message brought me an incredible peace and security. My marriage and relationships improved because of my secure heart. I was somehow different and it showed.

You may wonder how I can be so sure it was God who spoke to me. It’s hard to put into words but it’s like having knowledge in your mind all at one time that you know you didn’t make up yourself.

It’s like having a dream with the story all laid out before you and all you do is observe, not remembering how it came into your mind.

It’s like how you know when a puzzle piece fits.

The Bible says, “My sheep hear my voice.” I just knew that this was the Lord’s voice and not my own. I have always had a faith in God but He became so real then. He was actually involved in my very life and thoughts!

A couple of years later, God gave me a reminder and a confirmation of His message to me. I went forward for prayer at a church conference, and the person who prayed for me said, “God has you in the palm of His hand.” It was good to know I was still on the right track.