Throwing myself away

I've been reading A Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L'Engle. My interest in her was spurred on by fellow blogger Happy. The name of the book is taken from the special place where Madeleine retreats when she needs a moment alone. "Often I need to get away completely, if only a few minutes. My special place is a small brook in a green glade, a circle of quiet from which there is no visible sign of human beings. I sit for a while, then my impatience, crossness, frustration, are indeed annihilated, and my sense of humor returns." Oh yes, I can relate to this lady.

In this autobiographical book Madeleine truly shares herself with the reader....her insights, fears, musings, thoughts on writing and her spirituality. I've found it to be food for my soul.

Particularly compelling for me in my quest to cultivate humility is a part early in the book where she talks of pride, self-consciousness and humility.

"When we are self-conscious, we cannot be wholly aware: we must throw ourselves out first. This throwing ourselves away is the act of creativity. So, when we wholly concentrate, like a child in play, or an artist at work, then we share in the act of creating. We not only escape time, we also escape our self-conscious selves. The Greeks have a word for ultimate self-consciousness which I find illuminating: hubris: pride: pride in the sense of putting oneself in the centre of the universe.......The moment that humility becomes self-conscious, it becomes hubris. One cannot be humble and aware of oneself at the same time. Therefore, the act of creating-painting a picture, singing a song, writing a story-is a humble act? This was a new though to me. Humility is throwing oneself away in complete concentration of something or someone else."

To me this speaks of the selflessness that Jesus talks about.... putting others first.....being a servant...dying to self. I find in my life that I withhold out of my own self-consciousness. I miss out on the essence of the moment and other people. I'm too worried about what I look like, how I fit in, how I'm coming across, to truly just be. Or as Madeleine would say to live ontologically. - a concept she explores throughout the book.

I'm inspired by this thought. Rather than trying to minimize myself in an effort to be humble and selfless could I simply forget about myself and see where that takes me? It seems soooo....well....reckless. I like it!

Any thoughts? Please join me in a discussion.

Throwing Caution To The Wind

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4

I am reading "Chasing Daylight - Seize The Power Of Every Moment" by Erwin McManus. I love inspirational books that hit the mark and this is right up my alley. Chapter 2 is about initiative and it is really speaking to me. I confess that I regularly get caught up on the merry-go-round of Passion - Initiative - Striving - Discouragement - Passivity .....so I am looking for some perspective here.

I tend to be a cautious person. I will second guess myself and look around at what others are doing. Often, I have said to the Lord "show me exactly what to do because I don't want to drop the ball". However, it's now occurring to me that God wants me to take initiative and to take the risk. McManus says "Do what you know you should do, and you will know what to do. God clarifies in the midst of obedience, not beforehand."

He goes on to say "There is a direct relationship between passion and initiative. The more passionate you are, the more proactive you will tend to be (even if you boldly do the wrong thing). Here's where the dilemma lies: this can actually be paralyzing for a sincere follower of Jesus Christ. You don't want to passionately do the wrong thing. You desperately want to do what's on God's heart, not just on your own heart. Here's the liberating reality: when you are passionate about God, you can trust your passions. God uses our passions as a compass to guide us. To put it crassly, when you are madly in love with God, you can do whatever you want. I am convinced this may be the best contemporary translation of Psalm 37:4 "

This is soooooooo freeing to me! I can trust the desires of my heart!!!! I can throw caution to the wind!!! Oh yes I know that being grounded is still an important factor. And we really need to keep our good friend discernment around. And of course there is our ever present need for wise council. But this is RUTH talking here. I'm the Steady Eddy.......the responsible one. I think I have enough ingrained caution to take me down the road of WILD ABANDON without leaving too much of a mess behind.

I soooooooo do delight in the Lord and as McManus says "When we delight in God, we become anything but apathetic......These desires of our hearts are born out of the heart of God."

New Years Resolution.......... to live a life seizing divine moments, throwing caution to the wind.