The other day, I posted the link to the YouTube video that made me laugh so hard. I even said to myself " I just need to laugh like that more."
Yesterday, I met with my morning group of ladies after the Christmas break. We call ourselves the Ooglie Booglie Girls. We picked up the name from one husband who teased his wife that what we do (hear from the Lord) is ooglie booglie!
As we start fresh in a new year, we asked the Lord what he wanted to give each one of us as we work through our book together in the next few months. He said he was going to give me joy and laughter.
It's like he's prepared my heart for it with that video. He gave me a taste of what I've been missing and created a desire for more. Then he told me he had that very gift in store for me!
I feel like I am starting out 2009 on a new plateau. The past 10 years have been a time of introspection and personal growth. A time of figuring out who I am and who God is. A time of finding my grove.
Although there have been times of joy and laughter, my spirit has been heavy and it shows in my countenance. My children sometimes call me on it. "Mom, are you mad?" or "Mom, you're in La La land." I've been a lot more serious than I need to be and not always present for the moment.
But something has changed in me. I feel that I can emerge, a little more sure of myself, a little more sure of God and a lot more light hearted.
I say Amen! to that. I'm ready for a little more laughter. That kind of belly laugh that's under girded by joy and gratitude. A certain lightness of being that's in touch with the things that really matter.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Time For A Good Laugh!
This YouTube clip from the Ellen show is the funniest thing I heard in a long time. Ellen is talking on the phone to an 87 year old lady named Gladys. If you have a couple of minutes to watch it will make your day.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
It's starting to look a lot like Christmas!
- Halls are decked
- Stockings hung
- Goodies baked
- Gifts wrapped
- Company arrived
- Snow's here
So now it's time to relax with a little rum and eggnog and a hand full of Licorice Allsorts and enjoy some time off with my family.
Merry Christmas to you all!
Love Ruth
Monday, November 3, 2008
Breakthrough
Does anyone else struggle with RESENTMENT? I can honestly say it's the single most pervasive negative emotion that camps out in my head! Or maybe its just the loudest one. At any rate, it's been my companion for a long time and the Lord has called me on it several times.
Mostly it has to do with housework and is directed at my family with my husband bearing the brunt of it. I honestly don't know if I would have signed up had I known that being a wife and mother meant that my purpose in life was to be picking up after other people who recklessly take advantage of me, turning me into a ranting, nagging lunatic. I'm being dramatic here and I wouldn't give up my family for the world but this is how I feel at times.
Resentment creeps into other relationships as well. It takes the form of withholding, waiting for others to give me what I think I deserve before I give back.
I have owned it - confessed it - repented of it ......several times. When I harbour resentment, I feel guilty and then I resent myself. It's a vicious cycle!
This summer, I had enough. Why Oh Lord do I struggle with this so much??!!!! I realized that I needed to get to the root of my resentment. It wasn't enough to identify it as sin and be grieved about it, and I have to admit that when it came down to it, I wasn't really willing to give it up. In fact, I felt entitled to this reaction to perceived wrongs against me. Entitled to entertain this insidious relative of unforgiveness. Entitled to withhold until the other party gives something too.
So I sat down with pen and paper, and had a little conversation with God. I find that the answers take form more easily when I write down what I feel God is saying to me.
Why am I resentful? Expectations of others.
What are my expectations of others? Validation
Why do I need to be validated? Loneliness and Isolation (with a picture of me in a deep well by myself)
Why do I feel lonely and isolated?You don't trust people until they prove themselves to you. You don't believe you are valid until someone proves it to you. It prevents you from having a servant's heart.
How do I get a servant's heart? I have chosen you!!! Your name is in the book of life. You have been validated by me!!! For this reason you can die to your expectations of others and have a servants heart towards them.
Yes!! Breakthrough!!!! As these words penetrated my heart - I understood how my resentment is attached to my own need for validation. I keep people on the hook if I don't feel appreciated. I keep them at arms length if I feel rejected. The parable of the unforgiving debtor came to my mind and I saw myself there.
Lord, help me to have a restful spirit that finds its validity in you. Help me to love others lavishly from the abundance of my heart.
Although, the grip of resentment has weakened, I still struggle with it almost daily. I wonder if I will ever be able to die to myself. I long to have the heart of the unprofitable servant, the one who does his daily tasks cheerfully without expecting anything back.
As we sang this song today in church, the words gripped me. With tears streaming down my checks, I knew that this was my answer.
Amazing love how can it be
that you my King should die for me
Amazing love I know it's true
It's my joy to honour you
in all I do.
Mostly it has to do with housework and is directed at my family with my husband bearing the brunt of it. I honestly don't know if I would have signed up had I known that being a wife and mother meant that my purpose in life was to be picking up after other people who recklessly take advantage of me, turning me into a ranting, nagging lunatic. I'm being dramatic here and I wouldn't give up my family for the world but this is how I feel at times.
Resentment creeps into other relationships as well. It takes the form of withholding, waiting for others to give me what I think I deserve before I give back.
I have owned it - confessed it - repented of it ......several times. When I harbour resentment, I feel guilty and then I resent myself. It's a vicious cycle!
This summer, I had enough. Why Oh Lord do I struggle with this so much??!!!! I realized that I needed to get to the root of my resentment. It wasn't enough to identify it as sin and be grieved about it, and I have to admit that when it came down to it, I wasn't really willing to give it up. In fact, I felt entitled to this reaction to perceived wrongs against me. Entitled to entertain this insidious relative of unforgiveness. Entitled to withhold until the other party gives something too.
So I sat down with pen and paper, and had a little conversation with God. I find that the answers take form more easily when I write down what I feel God is saying to me.
Why am I resentful? Expectations of others.
What are my expectations of others? Validation
Why do I need to be validated? Loneliness and Isolation (with a picture of me in a deep well by myself)
Why do I feel lonely and isolated?You don't trust people until they prove themselves to you. You don't believe you are valid until someone proves it to you. It prevents you from having a servant's heart.
How do I get a servant's heart? I have chosen you!!! Your name is in the book of life. You have been validated by me!!! For this reason you can die to your expectations of others and have a servants heart towards them.
Yes!! Breakthrough!!!! As these words penetrated my heart - I understood how my resentment is attached to my own need for validation. I keep people on the hook if I don't feel appreciated. I keep them at arms length if I feel rejected. The parable of the unforgiving debtor came to my mind and I saw myself there.
Lord, help me to have a restful spirit that finds its validity in you. Help me to love others lavishly from the abundance of my heart.
Although, the grip of resentment has weakened, I still struggle with it almost daily. I wonder if I will ever be able to die to myself. I long to have the heart of the unprofitable servant, the one who does his daily tasks cheerfully without expecting anything back.
As we sang this song today in church, the words gripped me. With tears streaming down my checks, I knew that this was my answer.
Amazing love how can it be
that you my King should die for me
Amazing love I know it's true
It's my joy to honour you
in all I do.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Fun with sitemetre
I've been having fun with sitemetre now that I finally got one for myself. It's so awesome to see that people are stopping by from all over the world! Not too many Canadians though - other than my own personal lurkers who know me in real life and my fellow blogging Canuck from across the country , Valorosa. I wonder where all the Canadian bloggers are?
The Google searches really get me. I tend to use a lot of cliches and catchy little phrases in my writing and titles so I come up on searches for them. But who would have thought that my little blog would come up on a search for nose booger dream interpretation??? Just check it out for yourself!
I wonder what that person was really looking for? It just seems so random. Anyways - if you comeback, I'm glad you found me. Stop in and say hi.
The Google searches really get me. I tend to use a lot of cliches and catchy little phrases in my writing and titles so I come up on searches for them. But who would have thought that my little blog would come up on a search for nose booger dream interpretation??? Just check it out for yourself!
I wonder what that person was really looking for? It just seems so random. Anyways - if you comeback, I'm glad you found me. Stop in and say hi.
Friday, September 5, 2008
My Burning Bush
I'm participating in a synchro blog that robbymac proposed to share our earliest "charismatic" experience. He encourages us to "remind ourselves and tell each other our stories of how we first became acquainted with, and eager for, the felt presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives."
I think this is a fabulous idea. It builds faith and authentic community when we share our stories of God's realness. I encourage you to visit his post and read some of the other stories there.
About 6 years ago, I experienced for the first time, the Holy Spirit supernaturally meeting me person to person. Before this, my faith was based... well.... just on faith. I had never experienced God in any tangible way. I never had my own burning bush experience.
A friend invited me to visit a charismatic church with her. At the end of the service I went forward to receive prayer. I hoped that somehow I would receive something more than what I would expect at my home conservative evangelical church. I was very hungry to experience God in a real way. Having hit a cross road where I was pretty sure that God was asking me to move into women's ministry leadership in my own church, I didn't want to go any further unless I knew for sure that God was really involved and would equip me.
I was hoping for some real fire from heaven. Eager for this baptism of the HS that I had heard about, I wanted to know that God was real.
The woman who approach me to pray with me told me she had a word for me. There was a brokenness in me that God wants to heal. He wants me to come to him whole. But he wants my permission first.
I was surprised. Me broken? But I've had a perfect life! Nothing bad has happened to me and I've succeeded in most things I've set out to do. I have a nice husband and children. A home. A good career. What do I have to be broken about?
I told her yes I do want God to heal me. I want whatever he has for me. She prayed for me but nothing much seemed to happen. She told me that God has already equipped me and that he will give me grace for each moment as I sit at the feet of Jesus.
No fire. No nothing.
I was peeved after that! And dumbfounded! God knows how hard I had searched for him. How long I have waited. How patient I have been. I felt that he had denied me. As I wrote in my journal " I'm jealous of those who God meets so readily. I'm tired of waiting in line. I want to be picked!"
The next day, everything changed. I wrote about it in my journal and I will share it here:
A Day of Mourning - June 4/2002
It's good that my husband is out of town this week. It's given me some time to hash this out with God. We are having a counseling session.
God has been bringing to mind all the crappy things that ever happened to me. It's nothing really out of the ordinary. "Sh#t happens" so they say. But I guess my spirit was wounded and the wounds festered. It does have a common theme though. I have been wounded by my friendships. I have sought intimacy through friendships and have been let down, misled, sometimes abused. I see how it is affecting my current friendships too.
At first it was painful as these things came to mind. It seemed strange to let them swirl around in my head and feel them in my gut. I didn't have a choice, the memories just kept coming. And as every school yard mind game, cutting remark or betrayal came to mind, the Lord put his arm around me and said "I was there". As I recall the loneliness of keeping my hurt bottled up, God says, "I was there". The voice inside me is so clear and steady.
These events occurred over 15-25 years ago but to the Lord and I it was like yesterday. In fact it feels rather good to have this pity party.....to have this time of grieving that God seems to be encouraging.
I feel like I did when I was in the hospital for surgery. The surgery is over and there is pain. But there are people taking care of me, giving me drugs and there is a heated blanket wrapped around me.
It's exhausting. I am tired and achy. I'm sleeping a lot. It's so weird. I wonder why God chose this way to heal me. Couldn't he just zap me with joy? When I asked my friend this question she said "God can't heal the pain you can't feel." I think there is something in that. I had pretty much stuffed all of this over the years.
So this is how I became acquainted with a God who is very real and knows me in my inner most being. A God who uses truth to heal. A God who gets our permission before doing surgery.
In conclusion, I can only say that I was a very different person after that. I became more sure of God and less sure of me. I softened and became more real. I came to understand the meaning of "when we are weak, he is strong". And I have come to understand what it means to be given grace for the moment. Each day is a step of faith.
I think this is a fabulous idea. It builds faith and authentic community when we share our stories of God's realness. I encourage you to visit his post and read some of the other stories there.
About 6 years ago, I experienced for the first time, the Holy Spirit supernaturally meeting me person to person. Before this, my faith was based... well.... just on faith. I had never experienced God in any tangible way. I never had my own burning bush experience.
A friend invited me to visit a charismatic church with her. At the end of the service I went forward to receive prayer. I hoped that somehow I would receive something more than what I would expect at my home conservative evangelical church. I was very hungry to experience God in a real way. Having hit a cross road where I was pretty sure that God was asking me to move into women's ministry leadership in my own church, I didn't want to go any further unless I knew for sure that God was really involved and would equip me.
I was hoping for some real fire from heaven. Eager for this baptism of the HS that I had heard about, I wanted to know that God was real.
The woman who approach me to pray with me told me she had a word for me. There was a brokenness in me that God wants to heal. He wants me to come to him whole. But he wants my permission first.
I was surprised. Me broken? But I've had a perfect life! Nothing bad has happened to me and I've succeeded in most things I've set out to do. I have a nice husband and children. A home. A good career. What do I have to be broken about?
I told her yes I do want God to heal me. I want whatever he has for me. She prayed for me but nothing much seemed to happen. She told me that God has already equipped me and that he will give me grace for each moment as I sit at the feet of Jesus.
No fire. No nothing.
I was peeved after that! And dumbfounded! God knows how hard I had searched for him. How long I have waited. How patient I have been. I felt that he had denied me. As I wrote in my journal " I'm jealous of those who God meets so readily. I'm tired of waiting in line. I want to be picked!"
The next day, everything changed. I wrote about it in my journal and I will share it here:
A Day of Mourning - June 4/2002
It's good that my husband is out of town this week. It's given me some time to hash this out with God. We are having a counseling session.
God has been bringing to mind all the crappy things that ever happened to me. It's nothing really out of the ordinary. "Sh#t happens" so they say. But I guess my spirit was wounded and the wounds festered. It does have a common theme though. I have been wounded by my friendships. I have sought intimacy through friendships and have been let down, misled, sometimes abused. I see how it is affecting my current friendships too.
At first it was painful as these things came to mind. It seemed strange to let them swirl around in my head and feel them in my gut. I didn't have a choice, the memories just kept coming. And as every school yard mind game, cutting remark or betrayal came to mind, the Lord put his arm around me and said "I was there". As I recall the loneliness of keeping my hurt bottled up, God says, "I was there". The voice inside me is so clear and steady.
These events occurred over 15-25 years ago but to the Lord and I it was like yesterday. In fact it feels rather good to have this pity party.....to have this time of grieving that God seems to be encouraging.
I feel like I did when I was in the hospital for surgery. The surgery is over and there is pain. But there are people taking care of me, giving me drugs and there is a heated blanket wrapped around me.
It's exhausting. I am tired and achy. I'm sleeping a lot. It's so weird. I wonder why God chose this way to heal me. Couldn't he just zap me with joy? When I asked my friend this question she said "God can't heal the pain you can't feel." I think there is something in that. I had pretty much stuffed all of this over the years.
So this is how I became acquainted with a God who is very real and knows me in my inner most being. A God who uses truth to heal. A God who gets our permission before doing surgery.
In conclusion, I can only say that I was a very different person after that. I became more sure of God and less sure of me. I softened and became more real. I came to understand the meaning of "when we are weak, he is strong". And I have come to understand what it means to be given grace for the moment. Each day is a step of faith.
Friday, August 8, 2008
So..... I'm a 40 year old House Wife/Mom/Accountant. Who would have thunk that trapped inside was a Guitar Totin' Rock Star just waiting to get out????
A couple of weeks ago my 11 year old daughter spent her birthday money on Guitar Hero III. I picked this guitar up and started to strum along to some of the old favorites and before you know it I'm a MOM THAT ROCKS!!
I can't wait until my next chance to pick up that guitar. I wake up with Pearl Jam running through my head!!! I am determined to beat Lou!!!!
And I was reigning champion on Barracuda - the best rock and roll song of all time - until............my 11 year old daughter took my spot on the best score.
I have to concede - she is way better than me. She has never even heard these songs before. But her eye hand coordination is amazing. It makes me wonder. Even though I am older and wiser and I know way more than her, she can think faster than me. Is that cause my brain is 40 years old and and hers is 11? Is my brain deteriorating or is it that I have way too much in it that it's getting bogged down like when the computer gets over loaded with programs? I would like to think the latter. I think I'm going to stop thinking so much.
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